Finding faith in unsafe sanctuaries
  • Finding God on an open highway
  • Faith for a foggy day
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    Soul Rythem

    Finding a personal faith

    faith dockTime was I had more fear than faith, more doubt than desire. The world seemed a relentlessly challenging place, where one step forward eventually led to two stumbles backward. Faith was just a word to be uttered not a commitment of heart to be held.

    “Have faith,” someone would urge, “and things will work out in the end.” As a younger woman struggling to balance family and work, I tried what I then knew of faith from my mother. She was a devout woman, who prayed fervently and studied her Bible consistently. She took an active role in the Pentecostal church I grew up in and later left. She was as close to God as anyone I knew. When things were going rough in my life, I would turn to her so that she could pray me though life’s hardships and complexities.

    Over time, though, I came to learn that my mother’s faith could not push away my fear of failure or my doubt about my abilities or my self-esteem about my beauty. I needed my own faith. I read books about Buddha and Eastern religions, dabbled in Transcendental Meditation, and for a time stopped going to church.

    When my mother died — despite my pleads to God–soon after my second child was born, I found myself both motherless and for a time faithless. My father’s unexpected death two years later plunged me into a deeper quiet despair. Something within, however, would not allow me to remain in that place. A glimmer of hope reflected in my husband and two young children forced me to search beyond my own increasingly limiting feelings. Slowly, I began building on the foundation laid by my parents my own faith path.

    I came to realize that the faith journey is very personal; it is hard; and it is rewarding.

    For me, faith is having an inner compass that keeps you going in the direction of hope when ahead of you is a dark tunnel of despair. It is knowing without a doubt that you are not traveling alone, that if you persist you will reach your destiny. Faith is trusting a force greater than yourself to lead you to where you are supposed to be so you can do your best work in this world.

    Faith is believing in a God who loves you so much that He will not let you fail. For what looks like failure to us, may very well be the stepping stone to greatness as we walk in faith.

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